The Fear of Love and…Loss

Is an exit always at the back of your mind?

Vanessa Robinson

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Photo by Landon Martin on Unsplash

It took me 20 years before I truly embraced the love of my life. It took so long because I was afraid. I was scared of the total destruction that would take place within me if our marriage failed. I waited for him to change. I had watched other relationships that seemed solid at first (both sexes) fall into the cheating trap. Why would we be any different?

Until then I thought I was in deep love. But there are different levels of affection. Of course, there is the love that you have on your wedding day. You don’t realize it, but for most, it is shallow.

You and your beloved are shiny, beautiful objects that are bonding together to make something new. You are actually uniting against the world and you want to conquer it together.

But even if you’ve lived together, you still have not experienced the day-to-day reality of marriage.

Then there is the love that grows when you have children. Or maybe you don’t have children…because it’s not a requirement.

This love is the kind that grows when together you figure out how to handle your children’s illnesses, financial hardships, external pressures, and your own illnesses. You will have adversity.

This love is how you will attack it…as a unified force.

When I was at my worst, and D.L. came through by taking care of me, my love for him grew stronger. And when he lost his once in a lifetime job at Generous Motors, which was no longer so generous, I was there for him.

“Don’t worry,” I told him. “Everything will be all right. We are together.”

Due to career changes, we did not live near the family. We had to rely on each other. I’m not saying to move away from your loved ones. I will say that you must put your partner first.

The love we developed during hard times in the past causes us to continuously forgive each other today. I tell you this because each of us seems to alternate saying and doing the wrong thing.

So it is important to stick together during the bad times because when you have overcome these disputes, the roots of your relationship grow even more robust.

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Vanessa Robinson

Writer and Observer: Injustice, History, Family, Love, and Politics. Electrical Engineer. Completing First Historical Fiction Novel.